5th
…Torn
I’m writing this for a reason i feel people might find to be stupid, ignorant, or just plumb naive but i’m to the point where i don’t give a fuck what people think and i’m gonna write what i feel. So here goes. I’m torn, idk what to do at this point in my life. The guy (yes this is about two guys and call me a slut or whore or whatever you want to call me idgafuhhhh) that i saw tonight was the guy that i’ve been doing this with since January. I really like him but, he isn’t there for me like i feel like i need him to be (that’s the problem anyway i shouldn’t need his selfish self in the first place which pisses me off…) there for me he doesn’t want anything serious but i want something serious with him. None of my friends like him because of the crap we’ve gotten into and plus he’s basically a lame-ass toward me anyway. The thing is, when we touch…my body tingles and burns with emotion and it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME WE TOUCH (even the slightest effing gesture emotion seeps through my pores like a volcanic eruption (The famous Mt. St. Helen’s one for that matter) I have no idea what to do with this but there’s something more. The other guy i just met a couple weeks ago and he takes me out on dates he tries to be the gentlemen with me he seems like the perfect type of guy for me right? He’s there for the most part when i need him even when i’m just being an emotional psycho-bitch whining about how hard my life is (when in reality i could be dead or not going to college) My friends and even my friggen MOM adores the guy and tells me to give him a chance. The thing that gets me is there isn’t any spark or eruption when we touch just it feels like it would be perfect but no emotional pull keeping me wanting more. I feel like the most horrible being in the universe(yeah i’m exaggerating but what would you do if you had this type of situation?) I guess i’ll figure this crap out tomorrow i gotta let this kid know what happens when he touches me and see what happens from there. It seems he’sstarting to care more he actually asked how my day was(and some other things that a man would never ask a girl to do in the heat of the moment but apparently he wants me to “wait” for the right moment…) he finally showed a little that he cared about me. he even said he missed me but i was a douche to him because i was pissed at him for not doing these things that he’s doing now. I’m not suppose to be talking to him anyway but I am I shouldn’t be doing this to guy number two but I am…ugh the first guy even said he would’ve married me like a nuisance making me want him more dkaskldaksalssja This is a time where i think i need to just stay away from the both of them but knowing me that won’t happen. hmm I’m just gonna figure out both of my situations and outcomes and think about what will be best for me…who will always be there for me when i need them and all that crap. I feel so needy I don’t even know why these two guys even like me but i’ll figure it out soon enough
